


Beholder

by TundrainAfrica



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Levihan-centric, Light Angst, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29398923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TundrainAfrica/pseuds/TundrainAfrica
Summary: "I understand what they mean actually. Hange is very intelligent and she does exude some awe-inspiring authority. But she’s not what most men would consider, conventionally attractive...""But what are conventions in the grand scheme of things?"Some gift-giving tradition has Levi reflecting on his own feelings for Hange. Written for the 'Valentines Day with Hange 2021' event
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Hange Zoë, Levi/Hange Zoë, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë
Comments: 13
Kudos: 127
Collections: Tumblr Prompts and Oneshots (Tundrainafrica)





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**Author's Note:**

> I know this is a Valentines fic but I ended up writing about White day in Japan which is generally celebrated in March. And I pretty much assumed they do have a similar tradition to White day in Paradis. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Levi was unprepared for a discussion on flowers for many reasons.

First of all, it was the middle of winter. Or maybe just a little later in winter, and the land around them was a barren wasteland and would be that way until the next month.

_How could flowers have been a passing thought?_

Second of all, they were a group of bachelors out on an all men’s night, coping with the struggle of constantly being reminded of the fragility of life with every expedition outside the walls.

_How do flowers fit into this discussion?_

Lastly, it was Erwin of all people, who had suggested they participated in that little flower-giving tradition to lighten the constant sullen mood that came with being affiliated with the legion with the highest mortality rate. He had suggested trying that particular tradition out and rattling off names of flowers with the straightest face and the most professional tone that Levi had to shake his head a few times at the suggestion. For all he knew, Erwin could have been talking about new types of weapons or scouting formations, not flowers.

“For White day.” Erwin said.

“White day…” Levi was relatively familiar with the event, having seen the same marketing schemes used towards the end of winter around the shops in the underground before.

“It’s an opportunity for men to express their love to women, or other men.” Erwin explained. As if that was the answer to the question that had settled on Levi’s brain. He wasn’t going to tell anyone though he didn’t know how exactly it was celebrated nor did he know how it was spelled.

The men around the table were all nodding in some quiet understanding and in some agreement, as if they all knew something Levi didn’t. Levi had lived more than enough of his life in the underground though and he was starting to understand that maybe it was an inside joke among the people above ground.

 _We have our own inside information in the underground too._ Levi reassured to himself. With the passing of his two friends though and the lack of any necessity to ever go back there, for that quick moment where everyone was murmuring and nodding, Levi felt alone.

“Anyway…’ Erwin tapped his hands loudly on the table and looked around him. “I’m sure you know that it is the time of the year where men give gifts to women. I noticed a lot of you haven’t been celebrating it this past year. And I don’t want you completely abandoning traditions just because you joined the military. So I will be requiring all of you to be giving one ‘loving thought’ in the form of a flower to someone within the survey corps. You don’t have to give it to someone directly. Even just anonymously will be fine. Given all our uncertain fates, I just hope you all participate in this small tradition I thought of adopting this year. I don’t want any of you to leave any feelings unspoken or unwritten. Use these flowers to remind your loved ones they're beautiful and loved.”

“Do we _have_ to do this?” Levi asked.

“Why? You don’t want to?” Erwin raised one eyebrow at Levi.

“Where are we getting flowers during this type of year?”

“Some places South of Wall Rose are warm enough to grow flowers. The markets have already started selling them,” Erwin said.

Levi had to note then, that he was wearing one less layer than he had a week ago. And the barren wasteland he did conclude existed, _was_ starting to sprout a few new flowers here and there. Besides, it was just like merchants to find a way to sell something even outside its season. “What if we can’t think of anyone?” Levi asked. He had phrased all his hesitations as questions, all he didn’t believe to be unanswerable alone. In the grand scheme of things, he just did not want to address his own ‘loving thoughts.’

“You can give it to a friend,” Mike answered.

“I doubt you can’t think of anyone Levi. I’m sure even you would find someone among the ladies beautiful, or worthy of your _loving thoughts,”_ Erwin smirked at that.

“I am actually curious. Who do you think is ‘worthy of your loving thoughts?” Gelgar asked.

Levi coughed. “No one I can think of right now.” He downed more mead to relieve that post-cough tickle in his throat.

“Well…” Gelgar trailed off. “Who do you find the prettiest among the survey corps soldiers? Any crushes?” He took a swig of what was definitely not his first bottle of mead and slammed it on the table in front of him, looking eagerly at Levi.

“Crushes?” Levi didn’t need to ask. He did know what crushes are. _But was that something he wanted to talk about then?_ “None.” The answer was rushed and far from well thought out. And if Levi hadn’t been closing his eyes and focusing on finishing his own mug of beer, he probably would have noticed before everyone else how the blood had rushed to his face.

“I knew it! You do have someone. Tell us.”

Levi looked up to see that Gelgar was pointing at him accusingly, looking a little too excited. Levi felt the blood at his cheeks, and he knew he was probably redder than what could have been normal.

“What if it isn’t someone from the survey corps?” Moblit spoke up. And Levi had to be grateful that that man had been a voice of reason and some source of comfort.

“Really? Do you believe that? Let’s ask his squad.” Gelgar turned to the side of the room where the men of Levi’s squad where having their own mini conversation. “What does Levi do during his days off?”

“Clean.” It was Eld who had answered.

“I don’t think cleaning would have anyone this red right? And so hesitant to answer.” Gelgar narrowed his eyes at Levi.

Inhibitions were very useful things. Maybe if Levi had any more control of himself at that moment. Maybe if his inhibitions weren’t taking such a sweet vacation having been so easily sedated by that one bottle of mead Levi had been downing like water since a while ago, he probably would have addressed that issue any other way.

It had all started when Oluo said something he wasn’t supposed to. “He does clean the squad leader’s room a lot.”

“Squad Leader… Hange’s… room? Now that I think about it, yes he does.” Moblit stared up at the ceiling in thought, as if he was recalling those few times.

“But, really? Hange?” Gelgar furrowed his brows in drunk confusion. “Squad Leader Hange?” He repeated, as if he had so many things to say but at the same time, not many things to say.

Levi could see that Gelgar wasn’t the only one a little confused by that remark. He surveyed the room to see Moblit a little confused and many of the men who had joined them for a night of drinking.

 _Was there something wrong with that?_ Levi wondered if he had said that out loud. His hands though were shaking from what could have been tension from being put so suddenly in the hot seat. It could also have been from the fact that that was his second one, having refilled his cup over the murmurs about Hange Zoe.

At that moment, he found it a little unfair. Everyone’s eyes had seemed to be too wide with surprise, save for Erwin and maybe Mike. _Was there something wrong with considering Hange as the first choice for that little tradition?_

He had coped by downing the next mug, making an effort to put force when needed. He felt the force in how quickly he downed the drink, how loudly he slammed it on the table and how forcefully he had cleared his throat then.

But the next thing that came out of his mouth hadn’t been inhibited, and maybe at that point, his body so dazed already by the cacophony of stimuli had given up on actually controlling what he had said next. Or at that point, did he even say it loud?

Levi only realized it a second later, when the words were out of his mouth already. By then, there was no way to defend it.

“Yes Gelgar. Hange.”

* * *

Levi still wondered how he had the time to visit Hange the next day, even after dealing with such an unbearable headache that morning.

He drank enough to have been seeing stars while watching Hange work in the lab. He hadn’t been too drunk the night before to have forgotten the conversations though. In fact, he hadn’t forgotten anything and just recalling the conversation of the night before had Levi a little irritable that morning, even while he was watching Hange work. Luckily, the latter didn’t seem to notice, having been too busy looking through samples in the microscope while humming a familiar tune.

 _You have to buy at least one flower._ Erwin had mentioned the night before. _And you have to pay for it with your own money._

 _Because apparently the survey corps doesn’t have the money to fund the flowers they are so strictly requiring us to fucking buy._ Levi couldn’t blame them though. He had worked closely enough with Hange and Erwin to know that the survey corps was constantly in deep shit budget-wise. _Then don’t have these fucking traditions in the first place._ The money could have gone to tea, or maybe a little short cake.

If he was forced to spend it on a flower, the least he could do was put some more consideration into that ‘loving thought.’

On top of Erwin’s instructions on the budget, flowers and expectations, Levi did remember some interesting food for the thought the others had mentioned in the midst of his own drunken stupor.

 _You’re going to give your flower to… squad leader, Hange Zoe?_ Which brought up another question a good minute later.

 _Hange Zoe… Attractive?_ It was Gelgar who popped the question.

Levi did not know exactly how it had happened, how exactly three words had caused a room full of men to explode into uncomfortable murmurs. By that point, there were too many things his alcohol-ridden mind could not perceive certainly as a part of reality.

He did pick up enough crumbs from the conversation. Hange was still a leader, and given her position, she demanded respect and when necessary, exuded authority. Hange having such a wide range of roles in the survey corps from research, logistics, combat and squad management, had worked with every single man in the room in that name. At least once, whether when having to help with logistics for the next mission, having to have their malfunctioning weapons or gears checked out or having to help a few rookies get used to the survey corps system.

And consequently, everyone in the room had something to say. And those crumbs Levi did pick up half drunk, were further elucidated as Levi watched her work in the lab.

_Hange? Attractive?_

What was attractive supposed to mean? Was he understanding it wrong? Levi could only watch silently as he watched Hange worked in the lab. Sure, that moment in particular, there wasn’t much to see. Hange had put on a sort of monocle she invented herself, to make it easier for her to look at samples without having to hold on that contraption. She tied it to her head like some sort of strap on glasses and at that moment she looked far from ‘attractive.’

Levi did not at all though regret wasting his one day off watching her flit from work station to work station, so deftly making changes from one set up to the other.

_I guess she’s a little too nerdy for my taste._

Levi had to admit, there were things about the way she went about her love for titans that made him pout, made him furrow his brows in annoyance. It could have been the way she liked to hum off key to some melody she probably created herself.

Or the way she randomly shrieked or spoke to herself when getting a little too excited. She did talk to her samples more than she did to him at times. And that weird strap-on monocle she had created for herself and had put over her own glasses made her look a little more ridiculous.

“Hange, you wanna go to the market now?”

“Oh yeah. I forgot you were there.” Hange’s passing comment only served to irritate Levi further and maybe even convince him more that there was some sense in that thoughtless comment by that one rookie soldier about Hange’s ‘nerdiness.’

 _It’s our day off and you’re here._ Levi had thought to himself.

“Sorry… I can’t leave these samples out for too long. It should react in thirty minutes. And when it does, I’ll store it and we can go out for something to eat.”

_She’s way too obsessed with titans…_

_She **is** too obsessed. _Levi had to admit.

In particular, Levi saw that in her putting her experiments first before everyone else. _Even in their day off._ Even when he so eagerly wanted to spend it with her for some odd reason that he couldn’t quite understand.

But he couldn’t help but think...

They’re the survey corps. They were the only ones who journeyed outside the walls. Wasn’t it actually more advantageous that Hange of all people was obsessed with titans? Wasn’t the only reason they did get further and further with each expedition because Hange always had some new idea on how to transport supplies? How to configure weapons in a certan way that they could effectively kill titans?

Why was he so angry in particular about the fact that she was obsessed? And why couldn’t he so easily just cancel this plan to go out to the market and maybe the tea shop if Hange was just going to work in the lab the whole day?

“This is gonna take a while…” Hange groaned. And to Levi’s surprise, she did finally give him some attention, as if she had heard that little musing about her obsession and that irritation that accompanied it.

_And she’s a little too tall._

She started to approach him, she pulled out a chair from the side of the room and plopped it in front of him. And as she stood right next to him, positioning herself to sit. Levi had to admit, she was tall.

And she was notably taller than a lot of girls in the survey corps.

Of course, he was sitting and she was standing, it was only natural for a split second that she’d have her stomach, right in front of him only emphasizing the fact that she was a good few inches taller than _him_ of all people.

But really, what was height in the grand scheme of things? What does height have to do with being attractive or beautiful?

_I understand what they mean actually. Hange is very intelligent and she does exude some awe-inspiring authority. But she’s not most men would consider, conventionally attractive..._

‘Conventionally attractive.’ That word hadn’t registered as quickly and as naturally as Levi would have liked. He remembered the follow up comments people came up with to further supplement that term.

Most of the people there were soldiers of a lower rank than Hange, and those who were on par or on a higher rank, had too much of a sense of professionalism to have engaged in such a discussion. But Levi did remember Erwin and Mike nodding a bit in agreement to some of the points mentioned.

“Lynn is conventionally attractive,” suggested one soldier.

 _Lynn?_ Levi knew she was pretty feminine with her movements. When she wasn’t out in the field, she was a little dainty. She covered her mouth when she laughed. She crossed her legs when she sat. And she had a general subdued look about her that made Levi sure she wasn’t one to express excitement, frustration or any other strong emotions too easily.

_How is that attractive?_

Moblit who had gushed about Hange’s demeanor and her stature, while admitting to such a truth had attempted as well to explain it to Levi.

“Well, I guess when people think of ‘conventionally attractive, they imagine the girls in the bars. The ones all dolled up with make-up, nice clothes…”

 _That’s attractive? And what does convention have to do with attractiveness?_ Levi had to ask himself.

He pondered those particular thoughts as Hange settled on the chair next to him. She stretched out her arms and let out one large yawn. It wasn’t at all a new scene. Hange had always put her research over sleep and days off weren’t an exception.

She had removed her glasses and Levi could see the lack of sleep in the way her eyelids so naturally drooped in that second after the yawn before she looked to him. “You okay?” Her hazel eyes brightened a little with Levi hoped was genuine curiosity as she made eye contact with him.

“My head just hurts a bit from last night,” Levi said. He couldn’t admit that half the reason his head was throbbing at that moment was probably due to the in-depth conversation the men had last night about Hange’s ‘lack’ of conventional attractiveness.

“Yeah, Moblit told me, you guys had one hell of a night last night,” Hange said. Her gaze softened. She cocked her head to the side and grinned. Hange had a way of wrinkling her nose when she gave a toothy grin. At that moment, when she had closed her eyes, crinkled her eyes and flashed her teeth in what could have been a playful smile, she did make him what to stay with her.

Levi had to notice that she had the longest lashes.

 _What are conventions in the grand scheme of things?_ Levi had to ask himself then, feeling a little guilty at having played along with such a discussion. From what he did remember, there was no animosity among the men’s comments, just feedback and their own personal opinions on Hange’s er…. Date-ability

He did remember one sentence that had gotten all the men in the room nodding and murmuring in a tone of unison.

_But maybe she would clean up nicely. Maybe if she just fixed her hair, wore some make up and got a better pair of glasses?_

At that moment, Hange had started explaining to him what the hell she was doing in the lab, what the hell she was ignoring him for. Having still not gotten over the alcohol that was still doing a number on his inhibitions and focus, he opted not to listen. Instead, he willed himself to make eye contact, feigning attention and possibly understanding of whatever she was rambling on about at that moment.

And with her eyes the focus of his view at that moment, it had ended up the topic of his own mind monologue. Hange alternated between two pairs of glasses, the spectacles in the lab, the googles on the field. At that moment, she had neither of them on, having pushed her glasses onto her head, like she always did when she needed a rest. Levi ended up imagining her with different frames, circular, square, maybe frames a little larger.

The hangover made it difficult. There was one thing though Levi had to conclude, the eyes behind the frames were attractive. But were they conventionally attractive?

What was conventionally attractive in eyes? The wonder? The glimmer? The passion? The trust and comfort that he was able to feel just looking straight into them?

Before Levi could even have pondered more, before he could get lost in those eyes and maybe forget about the dull ache in his head, she had looked away. Sooner than later, he understood why.

There was a subtle smell that came with conserved specimens and musty old books that even someone as meticulous as Levi had gotten used to over time having spent years hanging out in her old lab That subtle smell that had grown to be comforting overtime was completely gone, replaced by what could have been the most horrible rotting stench.

“What the fuck.”

“Oh god, I really think I should have put a cover over that.” Hange said. By then she was more than a few feet away from him, back in one of the work stations that was starting to smoke.

Then only a second after Levi looked up at her, noticing the panic in her eyes and the way she had quickly reached out to----

Just like that, it exploded. Levi stood up instinctively, for a second wondering if it had been fatal. Hange’s whole upper body was covered with what could have been the greenest muk. And to Levi’s relief, she did wipe off some of it from her face, only proving that she was still very much okay.

 _But she looked disgusting._ And that thought in particular and the rotting stench that accompanied it had Levi covering his nose with that cravat on his collar. “What the fuck was that.”

“Just a failed experiment.” Hange answered wryly. She went for the towels at the shelf to the corner of the lab. “Just give me some time, I’ll just wipe off what I can and we can go out to town.”

“Seriously? You’re not going to shower?”

Despite his muffled voices, Hange seemed to have understood him. “Well, didn’t you want to go out to the market? We could go now?”

 _Like that?_ He wondered if that last statement reached her. He never could tell. The pounding in his head coupled by the stench in the room that seeped through his thin cravat had his head spinning. He looked up to Hange to see that she still looked as confused as she had been a second ago, and not at all like she was planning to do anything but wipe it off using one of the hand towels that had been set aside to clean any spills.

“You’re going to the market… Like that?” The muk stuck to her already oily hair and at that moment, Levi couldn’t help but think that even before the explosion, her hair did stick out in so many different directions at once. She tapped the face towel a few times on her face and her face was once again recognizable. Somehow, the way she had wiped off such a putrid substance had him a little uncomfortable.

It didn’t do much for the traces that did stick to her face. Yet Hange seemed unperturbed. “Well, I think this is enough for now. Let’s go to the market before it gets dark then I’ll just clean it up after.”

 _Go to the market? Smelling like that?_ And as she got closer, the smell only got stronger and Levi was noticing parts of the stench that he had never noticed having it so spread out in the room. If he hadn’t been skipping meals that morning, having been busy nursing a hangover, he probably would have thrown up at that moment.

Instead, it had him irritable. It had him unable to speak, to argue, unable to do anything but to trip her, take advantage of that moment with her off guard, subdue her like he had done many times before with constant refusals to shower.

“Fuck the market. You’re taking a bath tonight.”

And as he pulled an unwilling Hange to the bath, he had to admit, maybe there were really some things she could improve on.

* * *

It turned out there was some truth to the discussion the men in the survey corps had over the drinks. Hange had issues when it came to hygiene and when it came to fixing herself up. Hange wasn’t the daintiest person or the most graceful person either

Levi looked through the flowers lined up on the flower shop, from the Carnations to the Roses to the Amaryllis. It was painful to admit, none of them had reminded him of Hange at first glance. The daintiness of the pansies, the gracefulness of the carnations and the bright beauty of the blue roses did nothing at all to remind him of Hange. And just the prospect of imagining himself giving one of them to Hange had felt weird to say the least.

As he awkwardly stood by the flowers, he did start to think that maybe it had something to do with the ‘conventional attractiveness’ the men had been talking about before. None of the flowers had reminded him of Hange.

 _Maybe I should consider giving it to someone else._ That thought invaded his mind for a quick second and Levi brushed it away as soon as it came. With it came unwelcoming thoughts of guilt. _Who else will I give it too? But what if none of the flowers did remind him of Hange?_

Levi only had to look back at his own reflection a few days ago, as he waited for Hange outside the bath. That brought up another cruel possibility. _Will she be getting any flowers during white day?_

All the soldiers had been hesitant but their thoughts have been very clear. _Hange isn’t…. Conventionally attractive._ And that meant, no one intended on sending her their 'own loving thoughts' right?

He knew he had his own thoughts he wanted to give Hange that white day. _But did it have to be a flower?_

 _Any flower._ Erwin had mentioned during the few times he did catch a few of the men strategizing on flowers.

He could have easily asked Erwin if he could have baked something instead, maybe buy her a bag of tea or hell just some extra glassware for the lab. He was pressed for time though, having pushed it back to the last minute. And he didn’t have the time either to go back to the office, ask Erwin if he could put an exception to this.

The best decision he could come up with then was to pick a flower and go.

“You need any help?”

Levi jumped. He looked behind him to see a middle-aged shopkeeper looking at him a little too curiously. He cleared his throat. “I’m looking for a flower.”

“For a lover, I guess? It is tradition for men to give gifts to their lover this time of the year…” She commented. “We have roses, tulips, amaryllis… Any type of message in mind for her?”

“Nothing really.” Levi said.

“Seems like you’re still a little conflicted then… Our best sellers this time of the year are roses and carnations but it looks like you don’t seem to be eager to give any of those either. ”

He could have given a slight twitch or a slight shake of the head when she had mentioned those last few flowers. Hange at all, didn’t seem like those types of flowers to him either.

_She was just Hange…_

The shopkeeper had guided him through the rows of flowers: roses, carnations, tulips, amaryllis. At a point, Levi could have even sensed frustration in her eyes and Levi did wonder how unsure he looked. None of the flowers did remind him of Hange after all.

“We have one flower which you might consider. I don’t really put these at the top shelf since they aren’t very popular.” The shopkeeper led him to a corner window, where a few potted plants were lined up. The flowers came in batches mixed with purple pink and blue. And from afar they did look like colorful circles on green canvases. As he looked closer, he did notice the way the petals just interlaced together to make such an optical illusion.

They were not at all elegant, graceful or exquisite. If they were anything beautiful at all, Levi would have considered them ‘cute’ to say the least. And maybe playful, if flowers could even be considered that.

“These are pansies,” the shopkeeper explained. “These flowers symbolize free thought so if you’re a little conflicted, this might be your best bet?”

Levi eventually did realize, with the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that have been running through his head since the hangover just a few days ago, maybe that was his best bet.

* * *

Pansies came in beautiful splashes of blue and purple. They came in conglomerates that formed short and stout bushes, nothing like the flowers that took centerpiece in most beautiful bouquets.

For a while, Levi was a little self conscious that he wasn’t giving a flower that stood so tall yet so elegantly like a rose or maybe a flower that opened up so beautifully at the top like a carnation.

The only consolation he found with that decision was the fact that he had it potted, so he was sure it would last longer than a rose or a carnation cut from the stem. He was sure at least Hange would have appreciated a flower to care for, more than one that would die within days. _Besides at least she’ll be getting one._ Levi added, more for himself and his shitty and hasty decision of a flower more than anything else.

The nervousness and the tenseness at such an odd and unconventional decision of a flower had Levi putting it off until the last moment. He had kept the flower by the window and had watered it the morning when they were supposed to give the flowers.

He busied himself with his personal training and with his own squad, watching as they went through the motions of combat training giving advice an pointers when necessary. In between, he did manage to get a glimpse of Oluo giftng Petra a tulip. In between, Gunther had excused themselves coming up with their own carnations and roses to give to some of the women from the other squads stationed nearby.

In the afternoon before going to his own barracks, he did a few rounds mentally preparing himself for the prospect of dropping his own flower for Hange.

_How were other people doing it?_

Eld had his own wife back home, so he had prepared a few sunflowers for some of the new recruits as small tokens to make them feel welcome.

Some of the new recruits had prepared their own flowers for their old friends and fellow cadets. People were exchanging, tulips, carnations, sunfloers and roses, flowers in particular that stood tall and graceful. Once again, Levi felt a little self conscious at his own choice. And more importantly, he started to worry about Hange. He hadn’t seen her the whole day.

He had to note that he did see Nifa holding a few flowers. He did see Moblit walking down the barracks sometime in the morning with a sunflower in hand.

 _But where was Hange? Was she getting anything?_ For some odd reason, Levi did feel panic. He rushed to his room. He grabbed his own potted flower, holding it close to his chest and he made his way to where Hange usually was at this time in the afternoon.

And he should have known. He felt almost embarrassed having been worried for Hange at all.

“How long have you been here in the lab?” Levi asked.

“Ah, yeah, since this morning…” Hange said, not bothering to look up from whatever she was analyzing through the microscope.

“It’s White day,” Levi said.

“But it’s not a day off.” Hange’s tone was annoyingly nonchalant.

Annoying enough for Levi to walk beside her, push some of her papers away and slam that potted plant on the table, harder than he had intended to. “Happy White day.”

That got Hange’s attention at least. “Oh, another one…”

_Another one?_

“But you actually potted this one! And how did you know I liked pansies? And where did you get this one! Look it has both blue and purple petals! I think this is one of my favorite ones, if not my favorite.”

 _One of your favorites?_ Levi never really got to ask the meaning of that one sentence. Hange took the pot and walked towards one of her window sills.

Levi hadn’t notice it at first glance because of the overall messiness of her room and the general location of that particular window at the corner of the room. As he did follow her, he started to see more clearly, among the other strewn paperwork and specimens in the room, the flowers all lined up on the windowsill placed on glassware-turned-makeshift vases and his potted pansy pushed towards the corner.

There were carnations, tulips and sunflowers. That variety, the messiness at which Hange had arranged them made them look like specimens from afar. But as he was much closer, he much more quickly put two and two together.

“Wait, how many flowers did you get?” Levi asked. Really, he could have counted it himself. He had counted twenty of them at first glance but he could have sworn there was more.

Hange looked back at the flowers on the sill. “Well... I kinda lost count after a while but Erwin and Moblit did come in with those sunflowers. I particularly loved those, then maybe a few of the rookies…”

“And all those flowers… You got them today?” Levi asked, just to be sure he hadn’t been dreaming or assuming anything.

“Well, I’m assuming it is white day… Since you greeted me right now right? So I guess those were all white day presents…” Hange said.

She trailed off from whatever she was going to say as she approached her samples on the microscope again and once again, she did get lost in her lab work like she always did. Hange looked to be in no mood to talk anymore, looking a little too focused on whatever her work was for that day.

And that mood rubbed off on Levi and he found himself in no mood to continue whatever conversation he had.

 _Happy White Day._ Levi thought to himself as he gave Hange one last look. To the corner of the room, he watched the potted pansies that were so haphazardly placed among the other flowers by the window sill.

The potted pansies faded to the background so quickly among the other flowers and somehow, that sight and the thought that followed it, had Levi feeling a little heavy for a while.

* * *

Only a a few hours later, Levi did get a little too invested by the numbers of it all. He was never a math person, in fact, he hated math having never grown up with the proper education to deal with such a complex topic. Yet he still found himself in his room, so early in the morning the next day, counting out male-to-female ratios and wondering how Hange could have gotten that many flowers.

The men outnumbered the women three to one. So of course most if not all women would get at least one flower. But when Levi did sneak into Hange’s lab that night and he had counted at least fifty flowers on top of the twenty by the sill, noticing the other ones that were piled in bunches on the floor under the sill. He had failed to notice them just that afternoon when he had dropped his own gift at her lab.

That meant that Hange had gotten flowers from at least half of the men in the survey corps.

Levi knew there was an option to send multiple flowers to multiple women but most of the men he saw that day had only been holding one flower.

So that meant that there was at least a fair amount of men who thought Hange would be most deserving of their loving thoughts among the women…

 _Yet according to them, she wasn't conventionally attractive._ Levi was oddly curious about it and he found himself thinking back to Hange's comment that night.

_Moblit and Erwin came with sunflowers and I particularly loved those._

Moblit and Erwin. That seemed like a good place to start.

* * *

“Ah, captain.” It wasn’t easy to catch Moblit without Hange

Over time though, Levi did pick up an exact routine where Moblit was sure to not be with Hange. That was when he was shopping for supplies. He did after all have his own fair share of heart to heart conversations having run into Moblit in the market a few times before while the latter was running errands for Hange at the market.

“Moblit, I’m curious.” Levi started, having pulled Moblit into an alley next to the shop.

“Yes.. Sir?” Moblit asked, looking visibly uncomfortable.

“White day, you gave Hange a sunflower…”

“Yes, yes I did.”

“Just Hange?”

"Yes sir." 

"Why Hange? Of all people?"

Moblit’s face quickly turned beet red at that statement. “ I couldn’t think of anyone else to give a flower to, sir. I mean I thought of giving one to Nifa but I felt like if I didn’t give one to our squad leader, it would feel wrong... It'll feel like I'm lying to myself or something.”

“Lying to yourself?” If Levi wasn't too busy focusing on Moblit's words, maybe he would have been a little in awe by how much Moblit respected the ranks in the Survey Corps. He hadn't expected the blonde to have opened up that quickly.

Moblit looked away. “I really admire her actually… And I find her very beautiful so I thought it was only appropriate that I gave her one. And she reminded me a lot of a sunflower with you know… how she is?”

 _But she’s not most men would call, conventionally attractive._ That’s what Moblit said a few nights ago over drinks.

 _Then why did you still give one to her if you don’t find her ‘attractive.’_ Levi would have wanted to ask. Moblit was starting to avoid Levi’s gaze and to pull at the edges of his uniform. Levi sensed that the he was starting to get a little too intimidated by the conversation.

Somehow, accusing Moblit of not finding Hange ‘conventionally attractive’ and forcing him to give more reason behind such a decision to give Hange a flower seemed cruel. And with the general professional relationship between them, there was no point in making both of them uncomfortable breaching such a personal topic.

He had gotten some of his information at least. He wasn’t the only one who had given Hange a flower. And for some reason, that got him slightly irritated.

* * *

Levi had spent more than enough time in Erwin’s office to memorize his own commander’s routines and habits. Erwin was always back in the office at sunset, a few minutes before dinner was usually served. And it turned out that evening was no exception.

“Ah, Levi,” Erwin said, looking up from whatever reports he was scanning through that night. “I thought you’d be spending time in your scouts headquarters now training your squad.”

“That’s on my to-do list.” Levi said. He closed the door behind him and approached Erwin’s desk. “I just had a few things I wanted to ask.”

Erwin gathered the pages of his report together and sat back on his chair, crossing his arms. “About what?”

“Hange,” Levi said.

“What about Hange?”

“The sunflower.”

“The sunflower I gave her?” Erwin asked. “I required all of the men to give at least one flower to someone to get with the spirit of the season, it would be in bad taste if I don’t join in..”

“How many flowers did you give?” Levi asked.

“One, one to Hange,” Erwin answered matter-of-factly.

“You chose Hange… to give a flower to out of everyone in the survey corps?

“She’s one of my closest companions here so it’s only natural that I give it to her right?” Erwin’s expression was a far cry from Moblit’s, unreadable.

Erwin though, unlike Moblit was someone Levi had opened up to at least once or twice the past five years. He trusted Erwin completely and that’s how he had found himself asking the question that had been bothering him the past few days.

“You find… Hange conventionally attractive?” Levi asked From what he could remember, Erwin had kept quiet when the others had discussed Hange that night. Somehow, he had assumed that to be an agreement on Erwin’s part then.

“No, I don’t.” Erwin answered with a straight face.

“Then why did you give her the flower.”

“Because she was the first person to come to mind when I thought of who to give a flower to?” Erwin suggested.

“She had at least seventy flowers in the room.”

Erwin raised one eyebrow as if to say ‘you counted?’ “Then I guess at least seventy men in the survey corps thought the same way.”

“After going through all that discussion about how Hange isn’t the best representation of ‘conventionally attractive,’ suddenly they give her this many flowers?” Levi wondered if he had lost control of his tone or his voice at that moment. Somehow though just imagining all the flowers there in the room had Levi at the least, a little ticked.

“The point of giving flowers is to send some loving thoughts or to send it as a gift to the one who you think deserves it the most. It looks like although all this men don’t find Hange ‘conventionally attractive,’ it looks like they still decided she was worthy of the flowers they decided to give her” Erwin explained.

 _But why Hange? Of all people?_ Which by extension, made Levi question his own motives for having given it to Hange.

As if to answer his question, someone did come knocking on the door to Erwin’s office. A knock which Levi knew too well.

“Come in.”

“Commander Erwin! Just dropping my reports for the night,” Hange said, sounding as bubbly as ever. She approached the table and slammed the papers on his desk a little too excitedly. “I have some new suggestions for improvements to the flare gun. You can go through them later and tell me what you think.” She turned to her side. “Ah, Levi you’re here too?”

Levi didn’t answer. Typical of Hange not to notice if she had interrupted anything. _Not like there was anything to interrupt though._

“Oh, Erwin, I also came here to thank you personally for the sunflowers. I loved them. I know they grow in fall so I was pretty surprised how you managed to get them this late into winter… I did some research…”

And once again, Levi did get a little irritable and maybe a little ticked. He chose to keep quiet though, instead he watched as Hange started to muse about some other ‘research’ she was in the middle of doing.

 _Research._ When it came to research, sometimes she never did stop talking. And maybe he did get a little lost in the way her cheeks flushed as she spoke, the way her hair bounced as she cocked her head and gave Erwin that token toothy grin.

She wasn’t conventionally attractive. She wasn’t a Lynn. She wasn’t the type of girl one would find in a bar, nor was she the type Levi had seen in the underground multiple times before, especially among the brothels.

Her hair was as untamed as always. Her voice was a little too loud for such a small room.

But for a while he did get lost in those eyes.

“Oh yeah, I should get around to thanking the rest of the people who gave me flowers. Would you be able to tell who did?”

Erwin shook his head. “I only made sure that everyone gave at least one.”

“I guess I’m just going to have to remember them then. I was a little too busy with research that day so I found it a bit annoying and completely forgot half their faces…” Hange groaned. “But really I will try my best… To think they went through all that trouble to give me something as thoughtful as that…”

Hange’s last comment had somehow made him feel a little warm on the inside and that was when Levi started to understand it at least.

There were many things Hange had that the many others didn’t. And maybe those other seventy men had seen it too. She may be a mess in the lab, she may be a mess when it came to anything other than titans. But there must have been something about her which did push Levi to constantly clean her room, regularly visit her in the lab during her days off. There must have been a reason for the strange power she had over him. Levi had to conclude then as he watched Erwin and Hange exchange ideas that she did have a way of making Levi’s heart drop a little, just hearing her rattle off names of those who she guessed had dropped over flowers during White day. 

“Maybe, they gave me flowers… I think I remember seeing him there…. What’s his name?”

“Who knows? I’m sure a lot of rookies had a little crush on you. You don’t give yourself enough credit.” Erwin told her.

 _You don’t._ Levi had to add silently. And he did feel a little guilty that he hadn’t given her that same credit too.

The two walked silently out of Erwin’s office together, like they had done numerous times before. The silence at least allowed him to reflect, while quietly sneaking glances at her.

 _Of course he wouldn’t have been the only one._ She was kind hearted. She was smart. She was friendly and notably among the vets, she knew her way the most around encouraging the rookies and making them feel at home. It was only natural she would be on the receiving end of a lot of loving thoughts.

“Also Levi, I almost forgot!” Hange spoke up, breaking the silence. She playfully put her arm around him. “We should go see the pansies together.”

“The pansies?”

“The pansies! I asked the flower shop keeper, there’s a place down south that grows the most beautiful pansies. And that bluish purple one you gave me? Apparently that’s where they found it. Let’s check it out this weekend?”

Levi only noticed it a few seconds later, when he had decided for himself that he had indulged enough in that sing-songy voice, in that sparkle in her eyes, but he let out a subtle smile. “It’s not like I do anything else but clean on my days off.”

* * *

The view was beautiful. The pansies grew in clusters that if looked over a cliff, that if enjoyed from far away look like dots on a green landscape.

 _And they came in more colors._ More colors than Levi had ever expected.

 _According to the shopkeeper, they grow in fall and winter down South of Wall Rose. In the forest glade near the walls. If we go hike up the mountain and go all the way to the cliff that overlooks it, we just made see it._ Hange had said. Back then, at the end of the trek up the cliff overlooking the forest, they had seen yellows and purples and blues.

That had been five years ago though. Levi couldn’t believe that much time had passed. Yet the view of the pansies in the south of Wall Rose had remained such an important memory to him. _Maybe because it had been with her._ Maybe because it was the first time they had both gone farther than the teashop or the market.

HIs view at present wasn’t the same view as it had been five years ago though. Levi had to admit though, it was far more breathtaking. He was seeing yellows, purples, blues, reds. He could have been seeing everything in the spectrum and just wasn’t as adept in the whole process of telling them apart.

It turned out, the world had been much larger than Wall Rose. Hell, after the recent developments, it turned out the world had been much larger than the island.

 _Maybe the Pansies came in more colors than this._ Levi thought. His musings and his own reflections on the pansies that dotted the landscape had only lasted a few seconds though, just like so many years ago.

Back then, instead of enjoying the view, he had been watching her enjoy it. He had watched the way the yellows, the purple and the blue of the field reflected on her glasses. He had watched the way she had her glasses up to her head mentioning how the colors had blended so well even with her blurred vision. Then, he had seen it clearly, the way the sun and the colors reflected on her eyes, the way her eyes continued to widen at the view. Levi could have sworn she had gotten lost in that view then.

And maybe that’s why when he did get to talk to the shopkeeper again, many years later. When he did find out that the merchants had discovered a glade much larger and much more colorful only a few kilometers west of Wall Maria, his first instinct had been to take Hange there.

He wanted her to get lost in sceneries. Once again, he wanted to see that same passion, that same wonder in her eyes.

“Just like five years ago,” Levi commented, trying to break the silence. He watched as Hange had settled on the ground, cross-legged, calmly looking at the view before her. Five years ago, Hange had been screaming as she saw it, she had been doing the happy dance. 

“Yeah, there are a lot more colors,” Hange replied. She looked up at Levi returning his gaze. Her voice and the stare she gave him then was painfully different from the memory back from when they were in Wall Rose. She didn’t look at all happy or amazed to have seen that much color.

“You won’t get a day off like in a while with the War with Marley coming up. So you should enjoy it while you can.”

Hange leaned back, hung her head and looked up at the sky above her. “You wanna go back now? If we leave now, we’ll make it back to the office before dark.”

“You know the last time we were looking out at a field of you were begging me not to leave you. You actually wanted to camp out here.”

Hange shrugged. “I don’t know why. But, I guess I’m just not as amazed as I thought I would be,” she admitted. She ran her hands through her hair, redoing her half ponytail.

Levi couldn’t help but notice, her hands were more deft, graceful. They were more careful. Only a few years ago, she had started styling her hair in a neat half ponytail. She had started bathing more often. She wore an eyepatch then after having lost her sight in her left eye in the expedition to take back Shiganshina.

And since she became commander, she had been a little more careful about her movements and her emotions.

_But maybe she would clean up nicely. Maybe if she just fixed her hair, wore some make up and got a better pair of glasses?_

Hange did start cleaning up. She did fix her hair. She did bathe more often. She had become more serious, more focused. And maybe along the way, she did catch the eye of the many other suitors as commander Hange. _Maybe even more than five years ago._

"I guess we can go now." Levi was careful not to drop his shoulders a little too low, not wanting his disappointment to be all too visible. He helped Hange up from her cross legged position and they silently made the premature trek back home. And in the silence, he did feel a little nostalgic and maybe a little regretful at having taken for granted the beautiful view he had had in Wall Rose more than five years ago.

He missed the Hange covered in muck. He missed the Hange that overly fixated on one laboratory process. And maybe he did miss having to knock her out a few times a month to bathe her.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is very much appreciated!


End file.
